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Black Eyed Peas has a song Just Can't Get Enough where the primary words are: I'm addicted and I just can't get enough...
Guys are like coffee, drugs and alcohol. Once you spend time with them, get involved in a relationship with them then all the advantages of being in a relationship which are first a luxury become necessity.
The texts, the casual phone calls, just calling to see how you are doing, the dates become moments around which life revolves.
When life changes, and relationships fizzle out, priorities change and I find a need to restructure my life. I must detox.
Just like an addict, I keep on checking my phone, hoping against hope for a gchat line, a text, a phone call, anything as long as its from him.
It's funny how transitions are difficult and then every stage is another transition. Getting into and used to a relationship has its challenges and then working things out or ending it has a whole other set of transitions and challenges.
"I keep on checking my phone, hoping against hope for a gchat line, a text, a phone call, anything as long as its from him"
ReplyDeleteThat is the hardest part of breaking up. Waiting and missing that text message...that e-mail...that phone call...
I don't think this is an addiction at all. You are having difficulty with the ups and downs of trying to establish this sort of relationship in a tentative fashion throughout the murky dating process, and your efforts are continually frustrated as break ups happen. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, and I believe you are being too hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteAn addiction is a bad thing, no matter what it's for. However, these feelings, wanting to share, care, give, love and in turn be shared with, cared for, given to, and loved in return are proper and natural. Right now, the issue is that you don't have the medium necessary to fully express these emotions and desires because the one man you should be sharing these things with - your husband - is not yet in your life. Once he appears and becomes a permanent fixture, then you will no longer be stifled by the shidduch process as you are now.
I hope you meet him soon, and are able to channel your positive desire to share and connect in the way it was meant to be.
I agree with Shades of grey, an addiction is chemical and regardless of the object of the the addiction, will destroy you.
ReplyDeleteI think in your case, the way you're feeling is more of an obsession then addiction. its hard, i know...
Neurologically, when we get into a relationship it does resemble an addiction quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteThat isn't to say it's less real, or that we don't care, or that it's not important, or that there's anything bad about wanting to be with a man.
But when we lose that it can -in so many ways -feel like withdrawal. It's tough, because of the many ways we're used to being with someone, hearing and knowing and feeling we're cared for, being affirmed for who we are. It's a loss, and we want those things (rightfully so).
It hurts, and it's hard. I don't know any way around that for healthy people. But, as in so many kinds of loss and when we are transitioning in life, we do need to re-prioritize, focus on ourselves and recouping.
Hatzlachah.
Not only could it be hard for the addict to break away from the substance but sometimes the substance needs the addict also.
ReplyDeleteWhen the substance needs the addict you have to wonder why they can't figure out a way to work things out together. I think sometimes people are just too frightened of addiction.
ReplyDeletethe last two comments sound quite suspicious
ReplyDeletevery nice blog, good luck
ReplyDelete