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I wanted you to understand what I meant without me saying it.
I wanted you to understand what I meant when I said the opposite of what I was feeling.
I wanted you to understand.
I wanted you to respond perfectly.
Just like they do in Hollywood.
When I said that I hate you.
I was saying that I love you and am so petrified of getting hurt.
I wanted you to hug me. I wanted you to tell me that I shouldn't be scared because no matter what, we loved each other and we would work it out.
When I said I could never trust you again.
I meant to say that I am petrified of being betrayed.
I wanted you to hold me tight.
To tell me that there was nothing to fear.
That you would be by my side until we figured this out one way or another.
When I told you to leave and never come back.
I meant to say don't walk out on me and leave me alone or leave me hanging.
I was shocked when you took my words literally and walked out the door.
My words have meaning.
I hope this didn't cheapen them.
I expected you to know what I felt and thought.
I expected you to understand the meaning of the words not spoken.
I expected you to ignore the meaning of the words spoken.
I had great expectations.
This post reminded me of one of my favorite poems, "To Risk", by William Arthur Ward.
ReplyDelete"To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails."
I don't have expectations like that; what are words for if not to express what is within? We are not mind-readers, like Betazoids (Star Trek:TNG).
ReplyDeleteMy words are to say what I feel. If I feel I cannot say what I feel, then I stay quiet.
I prefer that to miscommunication.