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| Image: http://www.shomer.kdm.pl |
After reading this interview with Jennie Rosenfeld on sex ed in the Jewish community (or the lack of it),
I was wondering what your opinion was on the matter.
It is over-under discussed?
Is there halachik support across the board?
Are challenges being addressed?
Are there people to talk to?
Is there an issue at all?
If there is, should it be dealt with?
its definitely something that needs to be more addressed in the orthodox communities. I'm not sure if the problems with that are halachic ramifications or just something that would disturb the "way" of the communities, whats talked about and what it isn't.
ReplyDeleteespecially after reading HUSH (which i blogged about) i think its important sex should be approached in communities before marriage.
Unfortunately, the little that is acceptable only gets out after.
I think there needs to be clarification on the issue. There is a difference between sex-ed (i.e. what couples know about sex going into marriage- excluding what they may have seen in movies/books/cosmo) and the issue of shomer negiyah.
ReplyDeleteThe main thing the two issues have in common is that in both cases, the question is, who can you turn to before you're in the dumps?
Regarding sex-ed; there is certainly controvery over what couples should be educated about. This is compounded by the halachic and hashkafic aspect as well, since some Rabbonim are stricter about what is proper for a Jewish married couple when it comes to intimacy. And with the proliferation of sex in the media, whether you grew up with a TV is almost meaningless; if you live American society will no doubt be exposed to sexuality, whether it's in the computer or on the subway.
I do believe that there should be more sex-ed for married couples about the patience that is necessary in cultivating an intimate relationship with a spouse. Many couples go into their marriage unaware of the multlayered challenges that arise. For example; an Orthodox young woman is taught to be modest at all times and not expose her body. Then, overnight, she goes from that extreme to the opposite side. And her husband may not understand what that means for her, especially if he himself is going through his own transition from guilt to embracing his sexuality. And this is all within days, maybe even hours, of the wedding- a highly exhilirating event- and for some it can be really depressing afterwards when things don't go as passionately as planned.
As for the Shomer Negiyah piece-
I think one of the difficult things about it is that so many people are struggling with it, but don't know who they can talk about it without feeling ashamed. Whereas it's not socially taboo to sign up for a Lashon Hara e-mail list, no ones talking publically about the challenges for frum couples when they're touching but don't want to.
I know that this gets people riled up, often saying that it's 'fake' that people present as 'frum' but aren't shomer in private. I disagree- I think there's a difference between struggling with something in private versus parading it. And also, there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. If I'm not showing you my tax returns, is it because it's a secret or it's private?
Bottom line is that there is tremendous guilt for some when it comes to breaking negiyah, and they feel like they're the only ones struggling with it and must be a 'bad jew'. But at the same time, sometimes knowing that everyone else is struggling with it can make one more permissive because on a certain level it becomes more acceptable.
Like I said, these are each difficult topics to address, but I'm happy it's starting to be voiced.